


Led Ashtray

by The_Doom_Dahlia



Category: The Thrilling Adventure Hour, The Wicked + The Divine
Genre: (it's the doyles of course there's alcohol), (oh my god so many puns), 1920's Lucifer, 1920's Persephone, Alcohol, F/F, F/M, Josephine Baker - Freeform, Ma Rainey, References to Alcohol, References to Canon, josephine baker inspired Laura/Persephone, ma rainey inspired Lucifer, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-20 16:26:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4794329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Doom_Dahlia/pseuds/The_Doom_Dahlia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank and Sadie Doyle buy a very special cigarette at auction, only to recieve a visitor who just wants what was taken from her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Led Ashtray

**Author's Note:**

> The biggest thanks in the world to kayla-bird on Tumblr, who gave me her blessing to use her Ma Rainey inspired Lucifer and for giving me a bit of help with Persephone!
> 
> Enjoy, everyone!
> 
> -clink!-

_It’s time to send the little ones to dreamland, and set your radio’s dial to spooky. Bolt the doors, lock your windows, and steel yourself for mysterious suspense as we take you… **beyond belief**. Meet Frank and Sadie Doyle, the toast of the upper crust, headliners on the society pages and, oh yes, they see ghosts! _

“Who cares what evil lurks in the hearts of men!”

“Unless evil’s carrying the martini tray darling.”

-clink!-

_Join the Doyles as they walk beyond belief in tonight’s dark episode: ‘Led Ashtray’’. Our story begins high above Manhattan, in the Doyles’ penthouse suite in the famed Plaza Hotel, where the couple is celebrating another auctionary triumph._

* * *

 

Sadie hummed to herself, pouring her and Frank two tall glasses of vodka, little candies floating at the bottom of the glass (a special recipe garnered from a halfling friend in her college days), and thought of that glorious victory at the auction house only a few hours before. It was a small victory: a single cigarette, damp at the base and unlit. But it had been worth a lot of money, and Frank had found such a simple item surprisingly interesting. Sadie could never resist her darling’s puppy dog eyes. So, there it sat on their coffee table: just a plain cigarette on a pedestal surrounded by glass. They didn’t even know whose it was (they’d taken advantage of the open bar when the item was being described), but it was theirs.

“‘Betty’, Frankenstein?” Sadie cooed, handing over the drink to her husband, who was looking curiously at their newly acquired prize, holding the glass case as though it was an old bottle of Amontillado: cradling it gently.

“Thank you, Sadistic.” Frank smiled gently, kissing her cheek as she sat beside him. “Any theories on whose this is?” he asked, handing her the case and chuckling as she took it eagerly.

“Ooh! Lillian Gish’s!” she guessed first with a hint of contempt before guessing again. “No, no! Babe Ruth’s. No! Buster Keaton’s! No, a Marx Brother’s! Oh no, Mary Pickford’s! No, Ronald Colman’s! No, no, Lionel Barrymore’s! Oh no, Clara Bow’s! Oh Frank, I have no idea whose it is, but it’s ours now. Are you happy, darling?” she inquired, gently clutching his chin so he’d look at her.

“Oh Sadie love, I’m as bubbly as a fresh bottle of champagne! Speaking of which, shall we have some champagne?”

Sadie giggled, clapping her hands in delight. “Of course, dear. Let’s go get some glasses.” she instructed, hopping up and beginning to walk to the bar, only to be stopped suddenly by Frank. “Frankie, what is i-?”

“Sadie.” Frank started, voice deadpan. “Why is there smoke pouring from behind our bar, and some person pouring a drink in _front_ of our bar?”

“They’re drinking our champagne! **_Boooooo!_** ” Sadie declaimed, glaring at the back clad in white at their bar.

Seeming to finally notice the couple, the being turned, revealing themselves as an African-American woman in a white tuxedo, with piercing blue eyes ringed in black makeup and a single black streak through neatly coiffed blonde hair. She smiled, and said in a low voice, dripping with saccharine sweetness and a low, melodic Southern accent “Hello, honeys. I think you have something of mine.”

Sadie blinked, then countered “And you have something of ours: our champagne!”

The stranger grinned then, and poured two glasses for the couple. “Allow me to introduce myself. I’m the Father of Lies, The Adversary, God of this World, Apollyon, The Lord of the Flies, The Old Serpent, Dragon, the Lightbringer, etcetera, etcetera. But you, my new friends..” she trailed off, removing a cigarette from her pocket and setting it alight with a flick of her fingers. “You may call me Luci.”

“...One of those names sounds like it could be from a book.” Frank murmured, eyes dashing over to Sadie curiously.

“Well, I am The Medium, Goddess of this Frank-” Here, she gestured to Frank, who bowed slightly with a small amount of grace. “The Old Girl,” she continued “the Light Drinker, Mother of Smiles, etcetera, etcetera. But you may call me Sadie.” she smiled, extending her hand.

Luci shook it, smiling. “A pleasure to meet you, Sadie. Now, I would like my property back.” she insisted, finishing her drink. She crossed over to the coffee table, picking up the container holding the cigarette. She removed it deftly, slipping it into her breast pocket.

“Hey, that’s my cigarette you’re pilfering!” Frank called, voice getting testy.

Luci seemed to giggle, turning on her heel. “Not truly. You see, back down South, I’m a very famous singer. The kinda famous that inspires people to pick up your trash and sell it at auction." Her face skewed, looking unimpressed. "A rather odd, gross practice, but still."

Sadie winced. "You're not planning on smoking that, right?"

"Hell no! But it's still my property and I wanted it back." Luci insisted, finally puffing her cigarette to just ash. "Now, how ‘bout we celebrate my property returning to me with some drinks, eh?" She asked eagerly.

Frank chuckled, all his malice at having his auction prize of a cigarette taken back dissipating at the end of a celebratory drink. “Oh, Sadie, I like this woman!” he commented gleefully.

_A few hours later!_

“I do not like this woman.” Frank mumbled, looking at the bottles littering the floor and listening to the clacking of ice in a glass as Luci poured herself yet another drink. The stranger who’d popped into their lives for her cigarette was now using up their booze the way they were supposed to use their booze.

“Frankie, we need to stop this, before she drinks _all_ our liquor and leaves us sober!” Sadie proclaimed in a sharp whisper, eyes wide.

“I know. But how?”

“You know, it isn’t nice to talk about someone behind their back.” Luci remarked, turning to them with a slightly irritated look. That look turned into a grinning one as she laughed. “Just kiddin’, you two. Watch my drink, I’m goin’ out to look at the stars.” she told them, handing her drink to Sadie as she slipped out onto the balcony, the Swarovski crystal doors closing behind her.

“Goodness, I wish we could get her to go.” Frank muttered.

“Frank, look!” Sadie whispered, picking up a piece of paper left in the wake of Luci’s steps. She opened it, reading out “Bright Eyes: HI-5683. Perhaps this is our way out! Quick, call the number.” she instructed him, and he did. A few quick noises, and then a woman’s voice (accent sounding like a strange mix of French and American) piped up, the purrs of a cat echoing in the background “‘Allo?”

“Yes, hello. Sorry to interrupt you with..whatever it is that you were doing, but..do you happen to know a Lucif-?”

“Oh my goodness, is she with you!?” the woman said, voice irritated but still somewhat friendly. “Where are you? I’ll come and get her.” “Well, we’re at the Plaza Hotel, top flo-..hello?” he asked in surprise as the call was suddenly dropped. “..she hung up on me. Well, what should we-!” Suddenly, Frank stopped, smelling something sweet. “Sadistic, what is that intoxicating aroma?”

“Hmm..smells like..pomegranate flowers.” Sadie recognized the scent from her ‘proper’ school days. The couple turned to see pomegranate flowers rising suddenly from the ground, bright orange in the dim light of the room. The flowers formed into a person, some beast alongside, then fell away, revealing a dark-skinned, slim woman with bright eyes that flashed with merriment and anger, short black hair that curled close to her head, and a dark blue dress-with a _cheetah_ beside her. The woman looked over at Frank and Sadie. “You called?” she asked, same accent as on the phone. The couple nodded, and before Frank could point out where Luci was, the crystal doors swung wide open.

“G-o-d, it’s cold outside. Shoulda brought another jacket. Nothing some more drinks can’t-.” Suddenly, Lucifer stopped, catching the woman’s eyes. Slyly, she smiled, rubbing the back of her neck in her only show of nerves. “Well, hello gorgeous.” she purred, only to yelp when the stranger pulled her close, anger still hinted in her eyes.

“One: It’s Persephone, and two: please apologize to these lovely people.”

“But sugar!” Luci whined.

**_“NOW.”_ **

Luci groaned. “Fiiine.” she turned to the couple, saying in a droning apology “I’m sorry for drinking all your liquor.” Then she handed over some cash for the bottles and turned back to Persephone. “Better?” she asked, voice hopeful and sweeter to her.

“Better.” Persephone answered in kind, and kissed her cheek. She turned to the Doyles, waving a little and smiling. “Nice to meet you!”

“And thanks for the booze and for my cigarette! Take care now, I'll visit soon!” Luci added with a gleeful cackle, popping another cigarette in and grinning as flame consumed her and flowers consumed Persephone. When the embers and blooms cleared, both were gone without a trace.

“..Sadie, love?”

“Yes, Frank?”

“Let’s put up some deity-proof wallpaper, shall we?”

“Sounds _divine_ , Frank. But first, a drink, to demons and the darlings who love them!”

“I’d rather not talk about those two, love.”

“Who says I was talking about them?”

Frank smiled. “Oh Sadie, how truly _wicked_ you are.”

-clink-

* * *

 

_It seems that Frank and Sadie’s un- **god** -ly evening has come to an end. Ah well, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Join the Doyles next time when they once again walk **beyond belief** in a terrifying tale called ‘Having a Baal’._


End file.
